"Why Didn’t Anyone Spot This Sooner?” — The Quiet Struggles of Late-Diagnosed ADHD Women

 

For many women, receiving an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood is both a revelation and a reckoning. It's the moment when years of self-doubt, internal chaos, and misunderstood behaviours suddenly make sense. Yet, it's also a time of mourning—for the years lost to misdiagnosis, for the potential unfulfilled, and for the self-compassion that was absent when it was needed most.

The Invisible Struggles

ADHD in women often presents differently than in men. While boys might exhibit hyperactivity and impulsiveness, girls are more likely to internalise their symptoms. They become the daydreamers, the ones who are "too sensitive," or the perfectionists who spend hours rewriting notes to get them just right. These behaviours are easily overlooked or misattributed to personality traits rather than recognised as symptoms of a neurodevelopmental disorder.

As adults, these women often find themselves overwhelmed by daily tasks that others easily manage. They might struggle with time management, forget important appointments, or find their minds drifting during conversations. Yet, they've often developed coping mechanisms—like excessive list-making or over-preparing—to mask their difficulties. This constant effort to appear "normal" is exhausting and can lead to burnout.

The Emotional Toll

The journey to a late diagnosis is often paved with feelings of inadequacy and confusion. Many women report feeling like they're "just not trying hard enough" or that they're inherently flawed. This internal narrative can lead to anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of failure.

Upon receiving a diagnosis, there's often a mix of relief and grief. Relief in understanding that there's a name for their struggles, and grief for the years spent battling an unseen enemy. It's common to reflect on past experiences—academic challenges, strained relationships, career setbacks—and wonder how things might have been different with earlier intervention.

The Path Forward

Understanding one's ADHD is the first step toward healing. With this knowledge, women can begin to unlearn the negative self-talk and develop strategies tailored to their unique brains. Coaching can play a pivotal role in this process, offering support in areas like:

  • Time Management: Developing realistic schedules that accommodate energy fluctuations.

  • Organisation: Creating systems that reduce clutter and streamline daily tasks.

  • Emotional Regulation: Recognising triggers and implementing coping mechanisms.

  • Self-Compassion: Reframing negative thoughts and celebrating small victories.

Moreover, connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating. Support groups and online communities offer spaces to share stories, exchange tips, and remind each other that they're not alone.

Embracing Neurodiversity

It's essential to recognise that ADHD is not a flaw but a different way of processing the world. Many women with ADHD are creative, empathetic, and resilient. By embracing their neurodiversity, they can harness their strengths and lead fulfilling lives.

If you suspect that you might have ADHD or relate to the experiences described here, consider reaching out for a consultation. Understanding your brain is the first step toward empowering yourself and rewriting your narrative.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Late ADHD diagnosis

  Following my ADHD diagnosis a year and a half ago at the age of 52, so many things started to make sense. I had underachieved my whole life. Some of my most vivid memories from my childhood were of me catching up with school work while my friends were out playing. My parents insisted I catch up over weekends and holidays because I’d not studied when I should have done.  With the benefit of a diagnosis, I now know that my parents approached ‘the situation’ in completely the wrong way. In their defence, ADHD, which was know as Hyperkinetic Disease of Infancy in the 1970’s, wasn’t something considered to affect girls. Also, it’s now known that girls present differently to boys. Girls are more likely to be inattentive rather than behaving like the stereotypical hyperactive boy. What my parents and teachers saw was an intelligent child who wasn’t reaching her potential. I should add that my mum was an educational psychologist, and she used to regularly give my brother and myself ...
Read more

ADHD Chronicles: When I feel like a letdown.

 We are on day five of our holiday in Turkey.  It’s just as well because it doesn’t sound as though summer is happening in the UK any time soon!  I had lots of plans for this holiday, and I am at risk of feeling as though I have let myself down.  I have attended my three ADHD coaching classes this week and done all the required preparation for them, which some people may consider going above and beyond whilst on holiday.  However, my other main plan was to write and publish two blog posts a week.  My initial goal was to blog at least weekly about what I’m learning in my ADHD coaching training, and how it is impacting on me.  I haven’t got very far with doing that yet!  That then creates a bit of a dilemma-do I go back to the beginning of my training and catch up with the backlog?  Or do I start from here, six weeks in?!  While I ponder that dilemma, I will share some of my own experiences and thoughts about ADHD.  I have definitely ...
Read more

Consistency with ADHD: Why It Feels Impossible (and How to Make It Easier)

Introduction If you have ADHD, you’ve probably heard this advice before: "Just be consistent!"   Whether it’s about building habits, sticking to routines, or maintaining a schedule, people act like consistency is the magic solution to all problems.  But if you have ADHD, consistency can feel like the hardest thing in the world. It’s not that you don’t want to be consistent.  You start with the best intentions—maybe you commit to a new exercise routine, a daily planner, or even something fun like a creative project.  But sooner or later, you hit a wall.  You forget, lose interest, or struggle to follow through.  Then the guilt kicks in, and it feels like you’re back to square one. Here’s the truth: the problem isn’t you—it’s the way your brain is wired.  ADHD affects executive function, motivation, and time perception, all of which make consistency a challenge.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t build habits and routines that work for you. ...
Read more